I see Your BRILLANCE. Can you Feel IT TOO?
Feelings of Guilt, Shame, Unworthiness and fears of being seen as Selfish have kept us disconnected from our own BRILLANCE.
You know the story someone needs your help, again. You are compassionate. You are helpful. You don’t want to disappoint them. You don’t want them hurting. You say YES, maybe even without thinking or checking in with yourself. Then the familiar feeling comes. The pit in your stomach. The knot in your throat. This is the bodies way to signal to us that something is wrong inside.
Many of us have been conditioned & exploited to (over) give to others to the point that it feels wrong to not give. Even when we don’t have it to give away.
I grew up being expected to hand over all of my energy, effort, power to others at such a young age. The sensations of deprivation and withholding became my autopilot. There was an inner war between my own needs, my own voice, my own wants and what others needed, expected, even without them directly asking me. If there was a problem I was expected to solve it and in return I received love, attention, affection, importance.
I overgave and rescued others for decades. I felt guilt and shame when I did what I needed. Things changed when I learned to interrupt this harmful pattern. When I learned that Guilt comes from carrying other peoples pain for them.
Whenever we feel guilt we can ask ourselves WHOSE Pain am I CARRYING? Then create space to hand that back to that person throughly and completely. There is no benefit for you to carry someone else’s load.
Karmically we are never given more than we can handle in a lifetime. Inside the Challenges, the struggles, the pain there is also Mercy encoded to teach us something SO essential when we haven’t learned it another way. Inside those Challenges are secret treasures that the person has to unlock themselves. You can’t get the treasures for them. They have to do it themselves and we have to do it ourselves.
Over decades of practice I have learned that I deserve FULL ACCESS to my energy, my vitality, my power. It is my right to defend and protect that always. I had to learn and protect my sovereignty and agency to say yes and NO as much and as often as I needed.
I still have this perpetual pattern of Witholding and overriding my needs. However, my body reminds me everyday what I need, want, desire. All of that vital information & sensations flow easily to me. I turn towards it more than I turn away. I have made listening to and protecting my needs a daily sacred practice. Slowing down helps the most to interrupt this pattern and come back into my integrity.
Even with this busy holiday season old Patterns can haunt & taunt us.
This Time let’s be curious with What happens when we give ourselves the loving care we so easily extend to others. What happens when we Align our actions & our behaviors with what we know we need. This is not Selfish it is Self Protective and Self FULL. These actions take Radical devotion and courage.
That is Exactly the level of courage within you. We don’t know how much courage we have until we use it. The Courageous action Holds us up like a solid Oak Trunk. You are so brave. You built your strength and courage during all of the challenges you have faced.
When you feel that pit in your stomach or knot in your throat; feel me with you. Hear me whispering to you…I know its hard, you know this familiar feeling BUT not this time. This time you get to have what you need. This time you ARE first. This time it IS different. Because it is different. You made it. You got out of there. You are loved. You always were. You are precious. You are so Important to our world….no matter what they told you. I see your brillance. It is your time for your best Radiant Life. I love you Braveheart.